segunda-feira, 29 de agosto de 2011

Travel log - Europe - Day 17

Day 17 - Asian surprise

So we woke up and we had something to eat. Soon Lorenzo would go to the station to pick up the girl from Hong Kong. I have to admit I was not so happy about losing the post of only couchsurfer, but he had told me she would sleep in the mattress on the floor and I would still keep the bed to myself. When she arrived with him, we had the introduction time and she seemed to be a nice girl. Lorenzo had to go somewhere and he let us there, in that awkward situation of I don’t know you very well. Her name was Joyce. A short and very lively girl, I felt we would hit off right away. Lorenzo had to leave for some reason and we stayed there, so that she could settle and we could get to know each other better.She was very kind as to offer half of the sandwich she had stolen from the breakfast at the hostel. It was cheese, so I had no reason to deny it. have I mentioned I love cheese? Before Lorenzo was back, we decided to go for a walk around the city. We should have thought better, especially after my experience in Berlin on the 25th. It was January 01 and the museums would not likely be open then. But instead of checking the net, we just left. I discovered she studied tourism so she had a different eye to whatever referred to hotels and the like. We had a guide from Vienna, but we were not so sure of what we were going to. I realized I had very poorly planned this trip. I should have studied what there was in each city and shortlist to 4 or 5 places I had to see. But I did not do that so I would have to look for the places on the spot. She didn’t have many preferences either. We were just going places, not an exact destination, roaming the streets, trying to get downtown.
We went past squares, statues, closed museums. She did not feel like entering Albertina. It was open, but it was not so appealing to her. so we kept going and I don’t remember how many places we went to, I just remember the frustrating impression we got that most of them were closed.
I was eager to visit the Museum of Freud. Why? Well, I had always liked to read his writings, I thought his lessons about knowing oneself were very relevant. I had studied a lot about subjectivity at university and psychoanalysis only came to help in those studies.
Anyway, one thing that amazed me was that Joyce was a supercurious girl. She asked me so many things about completely everything she could. I had to think fast and try to give her very deep answers. Some of them I felt so unable to answer. We talked about mythology, concepts, Plato, Brazil and its customs, Austrian, French people... name it and we probably exchanged some words about how it was invented or created. It was the perfect opportunity for me to face how much I have no idea about and that sometimes we cannot have a formed opinion about everything.
So, she told me it would be very nice to go to the Freud museum, but she asked me who Freud was. Another taken for granted fact. She had never heard of him. So I had to tell her, with much pleasure, whatever few details I knew about him. And as we got there, how lucky, it was open. We talked to the girl at the reception and she told us they would close in 15 minutes so we wouldn’t be able to buy a ticket. We should come back the next day. So, we had left the only open museum as the last one of the list and even then we were not admitted. As Alanis would say “Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?”
We had one glimpse of what was to come inside by taking a picture of wall of the staircase which led to the reception.




After leaving the museum, we felt it would be better to return home and relax a little of doing almost nothing but walking in the cold and trying to visit closed places.
As we arrived at our dear host apartment, he was not there. It was funny because he had an extra set of keys for couchsurfer, something I had not heard of till my stay in Prague. however, he had not found them and we had to leave keyless and he would open the door for us as soon as we got back from our journey. We rang the bell. No one answered. We tried again. Nothing. Joy had a cellphone which was working and we tried calling him. He was not so close, he would take some hours to come back. We were cold and tired of the walking. What could we do? Well, there was a café just around the corner. We could go there and have something to warm us up. And so we did. The place was very exotic. It looked like those diners or bars you enter in a small town and the music stops, everyone stares at you, they know you are foreigner and they hostilize you just because it seems they are supposed to do it. Nonetheless, we were not so much hostilized. In fact, we were ignored. We asked for some menus and saw we had options of sandwiches and other appetizers. We ordered some drinks, Joy some beer and I tried a drink with wine and soda. It was a ridiculous drink and I hated it because it tasted like sprite and artificial strawberry juice. It was a drink for kids. The name of the place was Café Magistrat. Powerful but quite exotic.



This did not refrain me from trying these exotic drinks and foods, which I had no idea what were till they got to my table. Then, we talked and paid attention: every once in a while a kind of bell would ring. A woman would go out with a man, which resembled a security guard in his garment and style. It kept happening for quite some time and we wondered if that place was a place of mafia meetings because the atmosphere looked like that.
Then Lorenzo arrived and got us there. When went home, took a shower and started thinking what we should do. He said he was sorry he could not have gone out with us, but maybe at night we could make up for that. We were a bit hungry so we decided to go to a restaurant. We walked to one, but it was too crowded so he said we should head for another one. There, we were in doubt about what to choose and he suggested some traditional Viennese dishes (or were they Austrian? I don’t remember.) I know each of us asked for something different and I was the only one to ask for a soup as a starter. It was funny to see how he soup started to be a kind of travel companion. It marked how different it was from here. We posed a little bit and took some pictures with or without the food. We had a lot of fun together and as usual I offered to eat Joy’s leftovers, which she could not eat anymore. I hate wasting food, so I am known among my friends among that person who finished the unfinished dishes. I wouldn’t do that there, I had no idea whether it would sound rude or anything, but I was brave, so why not?

After dinner, we strolled near the river and we saw a beautiful building. According to our host, it was a fancy restaurant and the ceiling was a piece of art. It was a beautiful view. He said we could go there next day by sunset to see it and to drink some very expensive coffee because it was a pricey and fancy place.
I suggested we went to a karaoke, because I like to take any chance I have to sing and he took us to a bar, and this time I blessed couchsurfing because it was in a kind of alley, I would never find it there, and we sang some songs. We stayed in a different room and all the people were by the bar, but at a certain moment of the night we interacted with the guys from another table. The highlight of the night was me dancing with Joy and Lorenzo singing like a pro Sinatra “I did it my way”. He was singing and I was looking at him, dazzled by his talent and voice and he would smile at me and sing on and I wished I could freeze time and stop there, at that moment, his singing and his beauty pouring on him like breeze and drizzle. The lights were low and the video I made could barely show him and make justice to the way he was singing, with his heart. Another moment for my collection of magical ones.
We walked through an alley and Lorenzo told us the story of “Der liebe Augustin”. There was a bar with this name, resembling those medieval inns, but we just saw it from the outside. We were not so into entering. We were quite tired and preferred to go home in order to save some energy for the next day.

The Gap

So, it's such a been long time I don't post anything here. I am sure people have already lost hope I would ever finish my trip stories and I gave up about half way through. In fact, I thought it would be so, as life got me in such a context I felt things would never be under control again. Every week a couple of new problems to be solved, of things to be done for yesterday, and time went by flying on wings of a boeing. I didn't want to be away. I was put away, and that's all.

But here I am. As the phoenix, I keep coming back from the ashes, somewhat better, somewhat stronger.

And the project must go on. The promise must be kept. I shall get to the end of it, even if it takes me on year to report one month. I was having fun doing it, so I don't care people think it was so long ago and all. The memories are here, the experiences are patches in the quilt which is my soul, and I shall get to the end of it. Even if it takes years. Even if I have to go against the grain. Come and see.

sábado, 20 de agosto de 2011

O silêncio do furacão

Aqui, um se coloca em cima do outro,
Urgenciando e
Brotando como erva daninha,
Me confundindo e tirando meu
sono.

Meias verdades, meias vontades, meias bocas.
Um desejo me consumindo,
de criar, de completar projetos
inconclusos.
Sinto-me cada vez mais morrendo na praia.
O tempo me trai a cada segundo, tic, minuto, hora, tac.

Respiro um segundo e vejo a grama verdejante
Na minha cabeça pelo menos.
As pilhas crescem e ousam me desafiar que
cobrirão o sol!
Eu paro e penso.

Reajo, da forma que puder.
Ainda sei alçar voos.
Ainda estou aqui
E continuo sabendo que
a vida vinga, vela ao vento.

segunda-feira, 11 de julho de 2011

RESPOSTA: Serás feliz

O poema anterior tinha um objetivo específico. Dele surgiu um de resposta, que ganhei do LVA. Muito promissor e uma excelente resposta (mudei dois versos que indico, pra ter a rima que ele queria).

***
Quando eu chego
Sorriso aberto
Quando eu saio
Rosto incerto

Seu universo entra em pânico
Quando não apareço
Apenas um desengano
E seu coração já do avesso

Logo logo dou notícias
Eu estava bem
Lembrado de tuas carícias
E do teu amor também

Por isso, te amo

Pra você tudo faço
Arrepias meu corpo cada pedaço

Amo te lembrar
Que vivemos a simplicidade que sempre quis
E te faço acreditar
Que comigo serás feliz

terça-feira, 5 de julho de 2011

Te esperando

O silêncio grita a minha volta
Eu só precisando de uma
palavra.
Mas insistentemente, só a certeza
de que você não está lá.

Um navio vai tomando meu peito e
naufraga pelos membros.
Uma apreensão
Um pesado pilar vai se desfazendo,
Pintura nova riscada.

Cada janela que se abre, um suspiro
Aqui dentro faz frio
mas falta
você. Falta mais do que o normal.
Não tem muito pra onde correr.

Então eu fico aqui, agonizando,
colecionando geografias
desenhando
mapas que divisam o desespero
da bonança.

E você está voando,
elsewhere.
Inatingível,
E meu corpo, minha mente,
em vão, tentam entoar uma canção feliz.

terça-feira, 21 de junho de 2011

Anti-post

Não.
Isso não é um post
definitivamente.

Afinal, aquilo, aquilo não mereceu ser
post.
Aquilo merece ser devaneio.

Mas a luz apagou rápido
demais.
Mas ficou meio fora de foco.

Teve a forma, a cor, a textura
Tava tudo tão ali
Me deixando tão

deslavado? deslevado? desligado? deslocado? deslumbrado?
despachado? desperdiçado? despirocado? desponderado? despudorado?
desassossegado, brigado, seu Fernando.

E de repente, o jogo inverte.
O que era pra ver, passou a
ser visto.

E pensar que era a primeira
feita.
Quiça a última.

Mas ah se não me deixou
com vontade
de quero mais.

sábado, 18 de junho de 2011

Travel log - Europe - Day 16 (second part)

Day 16-7 from hero to villain in just a wart

My host wanted to establish a conversation on the subway, and I noticed his French was perfect. I felt it would be impolite not to enter the game. As soon as we arrived, a bunch of seven or eight French people were waiting for us. I thought they would be talking French but they greeted me in English when they knew I was Brazilian. As we started walking, Lorenzo kept talking to his friend, Selim. And one of the guys started talking to me. His name was Louis. And he was an engineer. Any similarities? And yes, he was just as good-looking as the other Louis. He started asking me many questions and when I told him I was an English teacher I thought he would feel uncomfortable. He told all the other guys and they all reacted enthusiastically and I felt surprised. He told me I should correct him when he made a mistake and that it would be so nice to practice. I felt at home. And the conversation went on till we were in the apartment. There I could talk more to the other people from the group and we had drinks, some cake and a lot of laughter. I did not interact much with people from Austria there. There was a girl taking pictures and we exchanged some sentences.



We went to the roof since the party was in a penthouse. And it was almost midnight so we saw the fireworks almost in the middle of the fireworks. It was a beautiful scene, the cold, the fireworks almost hitting us and all the people saying happy New year in many languages. They asked how they could say that in Portuguese.



Back to the inner part of the apartment, I stepped on one of the French girl’s foot. I apologized but Martin, one of the guys, told me I should bow and give her a massage. It was obvious he was making a joke but I put myself in my knees and as we were barefoot I excused myself and took her foot and started rubbing it. She really liked the massage. I knew she would because I have some experience with that. It was so nice to see their faces as she said it was good and the other girls and Martin said they wanted it too. So I took everyone’s feet and spent some time rubbing them. The funny thing was that martin wanted to embarrass me all along and every time he tried, I gave him such answers he started to feel embarrassed instead of the other way around. Never challenge me to see who can be nastier. I am quite respect but when challenged...
It was funny anyway. I went to the other room where people were dancing and I danced a lot. First, I danced alone and after, one of the girls, the most beautiful one (in my opinion) accepted to dance with me. I had so much fun as we spun around the room and made some steps I was inventing but did so as she thought I was an acceptable dancer. Then, I went back to the dining room and it was when thing began to go downhill.
First there was the story of the pepper. One Austrian guy gave Martin a chilli and asked if he was brave to bite it. He bit first and then when I arrived the poor French boy was almost crying. He said it was too strong. He was drinking water, wine, anything, he started eating the cake, he was going crazy. He wanted to punch the guy and I had to use of a lot of patience to calm him down. He said I told him to calm down because it was not me who was burning so I took the rest of the chilli and ate so that he could see I was brave and he could hold it. It was the strongest I had ever had. I held strong and he started to calm down. And I learned one should never bite a chilli in a different country.
By this time my friendship with Louis had withered. As soon as we arrived there I discovered one of the girls was his girlfriend. I was very skeptical that his approach had second intentions but up to that moment they had not displayed any kind of public affection. But on the party she got a bit cross, and he just left to stick with her till the end. I was being very detached and respectful, what was surprising, but true. Anyway, he went away and never came back to the groups I was in. Pity because the talks were amazing. After that, I managed to hit on the two other guys, Martin and Selim. Maybe it was the drinks, though I was not drunk. Maybe it was the loneliness and the fact I was far from home. I had some courage to, during our nice talks, make sure they noticed my interest in them. But they politely declined and I felt very happy, because the trying was much more meaningful than the achieving.
Finally, the tragedy came. I was massaging Sabine’s (the dancer) back and she was loving it. Then Selim wanted to learn how to do it, but he was not impressing as much strength as he should to make it effectively. I asked him to try on “my girl” while another would volunteer to serve as a model. One of them did so, the one I had had less contact with. And while I rubbed her neck, I would give him some advice on how to move the fingers and all, Then I pressed one wart she had on her back. It started bleeding. Game was over. She got completely upset. An awkward atmosphere took over as the girls aided her and everyone was commenting. She deeply resented having volunteered and she looked at me with contempt. The boys were understanding and saw it had been an accident, but the girls openly hostilized me. So there I was, turned into a monster after making the princess bleed. She left without saying goodbye to anyone. I had already apologized, but I guess she never forgave me.
It was almost 3am, I was tired and so was Lorenzo, so as the guys left we took the chance to do the same. We took a cab, which seemed as miraculous as riding Santa’s sledge at that moment and went home telling each other stories and our impressions of the night. We were both very happy with everything. But tomorrow a new person would arrive? Who would that girl be?